I hate clam chowder. And not just because it is seafood mixed with dairy and smells like a dolphin's butt, but because I have been covered in it since I was 18 years old. My first job was at a steak and seafood house in Burbank California. It had five huge banquet rooms (two of … Continue reading I Hate Clam Chowder or “We KNOW how badly you need to get laid”
Oh my God its been a whole month....I think I once mentioned that blogging for me is not like riding a bike. It gets harder the longer I wait and then it becomes this looming task like calling a relative you've been avoiding. Then suddenly you find out they died. NOW look what you've done! … Continue reading Don’t tell me what to do (Unless I’m naked….)
Someone whom I admire recently asked me that question. Ironically, what "good happened" in that moment was that I was resisting the urge to punch him in the face. I may have overreacted. Anyway, I have been having a rough day, week, month, year....And today I just wanted to give up. I went to the … Continue reading Sandy What GOOD Happened Today?
I seriously grew up Disney. I remember the 90s when Jeffrey Katzenberg cleverly butchered The Little Mermaid (my favorite fairy tale of all time) and saved Disney's bacon by regenerating old stereotypes and planted the seed for a new wave of Disney marketing madness. That is a different beast. When I was little, Disney was … Continue reading If I were a Disney Villianess
I just spent 48 flippin' hours at "THE LODGE". Holy Crap. Don't get me wrong. I never complain about being employed and I am always grateful to have a job. But two full on back to back "Clopenings" anywhere is a lot and my little geriatric Peyton Place was chock full o' drama this weekend. … Continue reading Rollin’ on the River
This post is a a follow up to the post above, and was written a long time ago. Its a true story. Hope you enjoy it. The process of filling out a job application for me became like balancing a checkbook of lies. "Now, let's see, from January to March . . . no, make … Continue reading She’s got Bette Davis Eyes
I'm studying for a math test. I hate math. I'm a waitress. My math skills are practical and simple. I can do simple addition in my head and I can figure out twenty percent of the bill in a millisecond, but I can't figure out how to type it numerically without Google. (Awe C'mon...you did it … Continue reading Fuck Math…..
I have landed a job at a Sushi bar. I have never served sushi. I do not eat sushi. Remember my pallet is a perfect match to a midwestern three year old? Remember the part where I said that most seafood smells like a dolphin's ass? Right. So I'm serving sushi..... Its ok. I have … Continue reading Its Fun to Say WASABI!!!! Try it…..
There are some drawbacks to bartending with geriatrics. Today I attempted to kill one of my regulars. It is always a possibility. You serve a drink and they go down..... One minute you're winding them up and the next minute you're writing about their demise in the log. This one I didn't expect, and no … Continue reading Phantom Boners
It is the 13th of February. And Valentines Day is imminent. Awesome. Don't get me wrong, I am single and I have a waitress' view of this greeting card debacle of a holiday. If you work in any restaurant with a price point above $25 a person, Valentine's Day is pretty comical. If the restaurant you … Continue reading Valentines Day (Because everyone needs a little VD…)