You know what is really hard about taking up a project
(like a blog, or a painting, or any other right brained endeavor)
after a long period of depression? The shame.
I really miss my dog.
That little SOB was totally shameless.
I have been stuck in such a mire of self loathing and depression over the last year it is hard to quantify.
I have no coherent ending for that sentence. You see the problem…
At any rate, I am still here. All my flaws, all my broken bits still stuck to me like debris from a strong wind on Velcro.
And this year with all the fanfare I could muster on short notice I turned 50.
On November 8th.
Fuck fuck and quadruple fuck.
So as I watch my power drain away with the ticking of a clock, I also got to watch the beginning of an ugliness and ignorance in the world that is more malignant than I could ever have imagined.
People I love (and some I don’t) have lost their shit and now I get to deal with the fallout from their personal problems while I watch the most loathsome, lying, vile piece of shit to walk the earth become the (urp) leader of the “free” world.
It all seemed so obvious.
And yet if we discuss it outside the circles of sanity we get to listen to the gross false equivocations about the former president.
The liberal brown man with the scary foreign name who tried to give health insurance to the poor and made you be nice to gay people. What a bastard.
And all the details are blog posts themselves and I will not be arguing the devil in those details tonight.
So here I am.
In the dark.
I am used to the dark. but when you wake up and the rest of the world is there with you it’s pretty sobering.
I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. And selfish diva Sandy is pissed off because I did not want to spend this decade as an activist. I have worked hard my entire life. And it is now guaranteed to get harder.
But the only bit of truth I can find is this:
Maybe we needed to burn it all down to see just how good we have it. Maybe we have become so spoiled and complacent that we need to see what we have to lose.
And to those reading this who are of a different point of view I will say only this.
The man you are railing against ran on Hope and Change.
Your grand answer ran on Hate and Lies.
That never ends well. For anyone.
So burn it all down bitches. Rant on about your 90k a year coal mining job that went to shit or your health insurance premiums going up. My business has been going into the toilet for years. I do not BLAME OBAMA. But when Emperor Baby Fists shits on it all, YOU own it.
As for me I have unexpectedly found a connection to my name for the first time in my adult life. I always hated it until now.
Do not discount the crazy because they aren’t stupid. They usually see stuff you don’t.