Lost on my Birthday

I just had another birthday. The goddamn things come once a year whether I like it or not.  I know. Bad joke. Too easy.

Kinda like:

“So you’re 29 again right?”

I will tear your head off like a praying mantis. Cuz I’m in my 40’s damnit!

No offense but STFU. I’m fully aware that even though I have officially entered the “For My Age” part of my life I still don’t want to HEAR that the idea of my being 29 is hilarious.

That is enough birthday bitterness.


My head is full of it.

All the bullshit that my mother and grandmother imparted to me

(that I tossed my arrogant nubile ass at in my 20’s  and 30’s)

is biting at me like a blind toothless pitbull right now. And while we all know that doesn’t help, its part of the human experience. And if it isn’t for you well then:


You are clearly a better person than I, and I would love to have sex with you.

Anyway…..My roommates took me to my favorite gay dance club and hilarity ensued. In my current state of insanity I no longer read or write fiction, sculpt or draw, cook or do any domestic tasks that defined me for two decades.

But mama LOVES to dance.

I do believe that this insanity is temporary and will fade when before I wizen and die.

But I can’t be sure.

Here are the pictures.

Sandy pointlessly molesting a gay man.
Sandy with her drunken head in the terrified crotch of her current gay boyfriend. Am actually the other woman. His official hag is in San Fran and I am just an interloper.

God bless these boys. (This is simulated debauchery btw, anything for attention)

They have hugged me and helped me through a difficult time. And now “R” is about to have his “Diiirrrrty 30” and I am going with them to Vegas.

I have only been to Vegas once and it is NOT my first choice for pointless spending. But I so desperately need a vacation that my closest friends have ordered me to go.

The first and last time I was in Vegas I went for the wedding of someone I didn’t actually like very much with a coworker who made it CLEAR how much she hated Vegas.

old hppie
OK sister I get it.
Far too much capitalism and low brow debauchery for you,
So get the pebble out of your Berkinstocks and the organic cork out of your ass and have a little fun.

So I am going:


The Captain Passed away this morning at 3am. I am putting up  this half assed post with a tribute of him to follow.


11 thoughts on “Lost on my Birthday

  1. So sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a father at any age sucks. I lost mine when I was way too young to appreciate him. Birthdays suck too but better than the alternative eh?

    1. Thanks Marie,
      It does suck. It sucks almost indescribably no matter how “natural” the order of things it may be. All things considered on the subject of birthdays I agree also. However being raised and in Lala Land makes you more than a little jumpy on the subject. Having said that my father has left me with some perspective on all that too.
      He would say something deeply profound like
      “Fuck ’em if the can’t take a joke”
      So I’m just gonna roll with that today 😀

  2. Yes – the Captain has left us – we only have to read his daughter’s words to know what a giant of a character (and man) he is/was. I say this as the mother of the daughter even tho the Captain and I parted decades ago. May he RIP. Thanks for following her writing – she is a gifted young woman and I know she has many tales of his to tell.

  3. Anonymous

    Yes – the Captain is gone but lives on forever – We only have to read the writings of his daughter to know what a giant character (and giant of a man) he is/was. I say this as the mother of The Captains Daughter even tho he and I parted decades ago. So I ask all of us to say RIP. Thanks for following and encouraging my daughter – she is a gifted young woman

    1. Dave

      Yes I remember being at your house those “decades ago” as a young teenage boy. Although I didn’t know The Captain well, I do remember the two of you from “those days”. The pictures I have seen of Sandy remind me of what I remember of you. You have 2 very gifted kids and you and The Captain should be proud. RIP Captain!

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