I cannot even make this shit up. I am just trying to keep my sense of humor. God gave me one because he knew I needed it. And oh yes ladies…. God is definitely a man.
I have met with one crazy woman in her 50s with an adorable cottage in a beautiful part of town. She is an actress and a self aggrandizing diva from hell who needs a proper pounding so badly it comes off of her in waves. The bullshit coming out of this woman’s mouth was thick and heavy. (Do I sound like I’m talking about myself right now? Crap…..) I got out of there so fast my glasses fell off of my head and I had to go back. If there is a banana peel anywhere in the building I WILL find it.
Then on to hip and trendy SE Portland where I was met by a man with a handle bar moustache wearing a top hat in front of a beautiful run down Victorian. That area is full of them. He and a cute black kid in his 20s were smoking cigarettes on the porch. The SECOND I stepped inside it hit me like a wall. Cats. Lots of them. Not visible, but definitely present. This place didn’t smell like a urinal, it smelled like a sewage plant.
Do you have cats?
Yeah. We have 30 right now so we’re kindof maxed out…
30!!!!! My joke was 6 of them!!!!! Jesus H Christ….
Is that a problem?
I don’t know dude. Why don’t you ask the goddamn health department?! I couldn’t stop laughing all the way home. What really struck me as funny was that they were smoking on the porch. Cuz you know…..can’t have smoke in the house! Am laughing again. I can’t help it.
Next I met with a bunch frat boys in Tigard. The place was like my son’s room but a whole house. And they’d tidied up for me. The room has its own bathroom (which I will have to scrub for about a year) and a private entrance. I might take it. Maybe I can cook for them……crap.
Am never getting a life.