Why God Hates Eve OR ( Boob Shrinkage )

Why in the hell is it the first thing to shrink when you lose weight is your boobs? Why Lord? It’s f’ed up. I understand that Eve was a very naughty girl who must be punished for all eternity. So as a result I must bleed and suffer until I begin to wizen and die.  There is no real sense in this, but I cannot fight the Catholics and gravity at the same time.

I have been a VERY bad li’l girl…..

So gravity is less scary than the Catholics, and gravity doesn’t frown at my steam room fantasies. See I don’t even have to capitalize gravity. It simply is…..

Having said that I can fit two of my boobs in each half of my bra, while my ass and thighs are still stubbornly hanging on to every cheeseburger I’ve eaten since 1982.  Why is this? Are we like dromedaries, saving up for a hellish summer in the desert heat?  Should I begin to bite and spit?

I am holding out hope for the girls though. They are tired, but like well trained soldiers they are trying to stand. My son took a life drawing class and brought home a picture of some poor woman whose boobies looked like deflated balloons. She was blond and looked vaguely like me in a cartoonish light. He adorned it with a post apocalyptic landscape complete with falling bombs and dead soldiers   I wanted to put a disclaimer underneath it.

That is not my art. That is not me and those are NOT my boobs. Really the end of that sentence being the key point…..



7 thoughts on “Why God Hates Eve OR ( Boob Shrinkage )

  1. mariekeates

    The trouble with boob shrinkage is it makes everything else look bigger by comparison. There is no winning. Don’t even get me started about gravity!

  2. There apparently is no male counterpart to boob shrinkage. If there was, I’d be all for it, since the last thing a non-transsexual male needs or wants is man-boobs. All the same, glad to hear there is shrinkage in your life, even if it’s accompanied by a certain seemingly disproportionate focus on the mammaries as opposed to the padding protecting the ovaries.

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