The Art Project from Hell

So I am in School in the middle of my life. I think I mentioned that once briefly in another post. When I first moved to Oregon my (not so well thought out) plan was to go into restaurant management. Not just reconciling daily sales and babysitting service staff while still waiting tables, but you know full blown corporate hell  where you train for six weeks so that you can reconcile daily sales and babysit service staff. You don’t get tips but you get health insurance and stuff. And you will need it because at 55 to 70 hours a week you get a little run down. Another post for another day. Long story short I hated it and I sucked at it. I do not have the temperament for management. I am either trying to be your best friend or I am all up in your face with a butcher knife.

Heeeeeere’s SANDY!!!!!!

So for some reason I found myself laid off…..And I am now back in school. I am a web design student (cantcha tell?) but I take an art class every term just for fun and relaxation.  This term relaxation is going to have to come out of a bottle and hopefully not the one I brake in half in order to saw at my own wrists. It is a 3D Design class. My favoritist art teacher in the world who taught 2D in black and white told me this was a color class. Awesome. Sounds fun right? Not a color class. A 3D art installation class. and while that still sounds fun the first project has me banging my head against any solid object that I can find.  We are to take a Sunday newspaper and turn it into something else! No glue. No tape. No staples. No fun.  Sigh….

The Kindergarten teacher took the easy route and started making paper flowers. Thieving bitch with her granny shoes and Heidi hair. I didn’t know what to do. So I got this grand idea that I would start cutting the paper into long ass curly strips and then make a big wad of wet paper and dry it out and make a dragons head. Sounds neat right? It took me three days to dry the giant spit wad that I created from about a third of the paper. And because That was going so well I thought I would make another one to match. I had to use up all the paper right? They look like a pair of paper mache boobies. And they are still wet in the middle. Wet newsprint smells like a dogs butt BTW.  I don’t know what the hell I’m doing at this point. I had thought to “carve” one of the boobies out as a jaw for the dragon. Thing is without glue or tape you have to find a way to fit these things together or use hand made dowels created from the paper which you then have to jam into the giant spit ball. That is still wet.

I decided to go abstract.  I poked holes in each end of the boobies and jammed the paper curls into them.  Now they look like a couple of giant paper mache sperm. Awesome.

My beautiful picture
Swim little fishie! Swim!

Then I poked holes in the other ends and jammed the paper in, gave them some spikes and Behold!!!!!!

My beautiful picture
The Paper Pineapples of Doom!!!!

Its going to be a loooong term…….


3 thoughts on “The Art Project from Hell

  1. mariekeates

    Maybe you could turn them I to spiders. Or, failing that, get another newspaper and make paper flowers, pretend you didn’t see the other woman! Lol

      1. mariekeates

        True they’re the one who’ll stab you in the back when you’re not looking. Very cold here in Southampton England but its making the walks speed up a bit I can tell you. Makes me hungry too! 🙂

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